


#theprecursorsareoverparty

by Macremae



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Disordered Eating, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Group chat, Humor, M/M, i promise this is funny though my friends want to throw rocks at me, u know basically all the precursors caveats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26390554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macremae/pseuds/Macremae
Summary: 128788776: oomf is in their flop era 👀346856384: oomf is about to lose their turn on the meat bitch 👁 👁dr newton geiszler: hey guys we haven't eaten in 38 hours
Relationships: Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Comments: 15
Kudos: 74





	#theprecursorsareoverparty

**Author's Note:**

> me? writing the worst possible gc doc concept imaginable? in 2020? anything can happen! @bae-science on tumblr @shakesexual on twt yes one scene is inspired by drag race untucked
> 
> update 12/15/20: i commissioned my friend adriana for this INCREDIBLE COVER and it’s literally amazing please go look oh my god https://twitter.com/otachis_strap/status/1338723931625299969?s=21

JUNE 1, 2025

_dr. newton geiszler has joined WHORE BRIGADE_  
141284355: oWo what’s this?  
dr. newton geiszler: oh what the fuck

SEPTEMBER 28, 2025

297892186: hi newt geiszler  
526715681: hi newt geiszler  
694078270: hi newt geiszler  
314410742: hi newt geiszler  
420858192: hi newt geiszler  
dr. newton geiszler: okay so like what the hell is going on here what is this  
827014359: so essentially  
171399571: you got got  
dr. newton geiszler: yeah that’s evident  
dr. newton geiszler: what’s the “got” you’re referring to though  
886709126: well you are now part of the hivemind  
503588811: congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
646117957: so this is, we guess, the discord server of us all  
dr. newton geiszler: i’m so sorry the fucking what  
556393791: well we have to communicate somehow  
525833169: yeah there are like an infinite number of us all interwoven together in one mind  
666763593: but we are NOT the same person  
355685337: but also yes we are  
938896616: but also no we’re not. heart emoji.  
dr. newton geiszler: so this is your hivemind group chat or whatever?  
574250150: yes!!!  
dr. newton geiszler: ok cool how do i leave it  
507881314: oh you can’t  
748216306: yeah you pretty much sailed that titanic the moment you drifted with the brain alone shortstack  
706158849: we have acquired your body and it is ours now! finders keepers :)  
dr. newton geiszler: no sorry no i don’t care give it back  
158818467: no <3  
232933245: oh we figured out how to do it!!  
949089604: yes we just manifest a gross misapproximation of a human heart and add it to the end of the sentence  
877475784: we are learning new things already! our knowledge and powers are infinite but also emojis did elude us for a whole five seconds  
dr. newton gesizler: give me back my fucking body  
606175813: no <3  
506342522: no <3  
337759117: no <3  
906897360: okay stop we wore it out it isn’t funny anymore  
dr. newton geiszler: HEY  
dr. newton geiszler: i’m not FUCKING kidding  
997092505: we know  
dr. newton geiszler: okay great then get the fuck out of my body and the fuck out of this universe we beat you assholes  
146351857: yeah  
113220190: this time around  
dr. newton geiszler: what do you mean this time  
857071853: you had a big enough brain for all of us newt geiszler think about it  
dr. newton geiszler: wh  
dr. newton geiszler: no  
dr. newton geiszler: oh god no  
336742827: LMAOOOOOOOO you think that bitch can help you now?  
196117933: lol you are funny newt geiszler that will be your boon  
948592465: but no this town is not big enough for the both of us  
dr. newton geiszler: me?  
723610254: no  
684743514: you can’t have a universe with two gods

MARCH 2, 2026

248872248: first day new job ladies how are we feeling!!  
329854299: good as hell!  
932240478: hashtag girlboss!  
dr. newton geiszler: i want to kill myself  
154060181: cranky because you can’t call yourself the ceo of antifa now aren’t you  
dr. newton geiszler: i hope you all get reported to HR within an hour  
774328679: oh that would be funny imagine if we had to go through gags sensitivity training  
131951258: we are very good at trust falls though we never miss  
978304974: should we have put that on the resumé? it is a very admirable skill  
dr. newton geiszler: you have no idea how corporate jobs work do you  
396159739: lmao no we just yell at other humans for eight hours how hard can it be

MARCH 3, 2026

109073061: SHAO LIWEN IS HASHTAG CANCELED  
923710300: SOMEONE MAKE A CALL OUT POST  
dr. newton geiszler: will you all please stop going through my memories of college  
199812882: CALL OUT POST FOR SHAO LIWEN:  
144394127: ONE. IS A WOMAN (boo).  
386056045: TWO. SAID THAT OUR EXTREMELY SEXY AND INCREDIBLY TASTEFUL WORKPLACE ATTIRE WAS, QUOTE, INAPPROPRIATE??? AND ONLY SOLID COLOR SUITS ARE ALLOWED??? THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK THIS IS, THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION?????  
dr. newton geiszler: oh your distaste of them is so ironic  
651198044: THREE. GAVE US SEVERAL OTHER SMALLER HUMANS TO USE AS SLAVES AND THEN DOES NOT LET US TAKE THEM HOME TO DO OTHER EQUALLY NECESSARY THINGS.  
dr. newton geiszler: to be fair you do have a kaiju brain in your bedroom  
dr. newton geiszler: also those are interns  
140240303: WE DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU CALL THEM IN HUMAN ENGLISH  
479871486: POINT FOUR  
dr. newton geiszler: i’m gonna go watch anohana again i think i remember episode two now  
166768290: EXPECTS US TO KNOW WHATEVER THE FUCK AN EXCEL SHEET IS

OCTOBER 31, 2026

dr. newton geiszler: i swear to god if you go to work as a “slutty atomic bomb” i will spit in that thing’s fucking tank

FEBRUARY 1, 2027

829790573: is this keto  
323028914: is what  
394566891: it says macaroni and “cheese” and cheese is keto we think  
756855194: where does the kraft part come into play in all this  
dr. newton geiszler: wait what  
dr. newton geiszler: yes yes mac n cheese is keto it is so keto the most keto thing on the planet you could eat that shit and your pancreas could take a fucking vacation put it in the cart  
602626814: is this going to be like the time you told us cheesecake was keto  
dr. newton geiszler: no  
dr. newton geiszler: although to be fair it did have cake in the literal name that’s on you guys  
589947585: we think the meatsack doth protest too much  
dr. newton geiszler: whatever you should still get it though  
827920774: well it is not like you have the ability to lie to us  
858834075: unless you genuinely did not know if it was keto or not  
dr. newton geiszler: now what kind of scientist would i be if i didn’t have an encyclopedic knowledge of the proper rulebook for every useless, ineffective, and dangerous fad diet in the world  
213190066: one with morals or whatever  
dr. newton geiszler: yeah those are super boring get six boxes  
291494703: we are trusting you  
dr. newton geiszler: well in that case get ten

MAY 7, 2027

760305082: CALLOUT POST FOR THE MEAT BITCH (@dr. newton geiszler):  
961837609: stans fob in 2027  
236966471: gay and annoying about it  
753089216: keeps giving third act anime hero speeches like this is 4kids and h*rmann g*ttlieb has a magic dick or w/e  
425127007: is here  
697991430: told us that MACARONI AND CHEESE a dish comprised primarily of PASTA NOODLES was KETO FRIENDLY and thus is a LITTLE FUCKING LIAR  
dr. newton geiszler: you guys ate all ten boxes  
989935646: well we still have functioning taste buds

AUGUST 21, 2027

_several people are typing…_  
dr. newton geiszler: i told you guys not to wear sunglasses indoors  
257545674: OWIEEEEEEEEEE  
100255046: HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THERE WAS A TABLE THERE  
dr. newton geiszler: this is your apartment  
575297228: WE THINK IT’S BROKEN  
dr. newton geiszler: you did not break my toe you stubbed it  
949083085: WE MADE IT SHORTER???????  
dr. newton geiszler: jesus fucking christ

DECEMBER 2, 2028

578218503: when does she snap his neck  
dr. newton geiszler: ??? who’s neck?  
166564079: david’s  
528852911: hilary boutta pounce 👀  
699967014: lmao no that man is a twink look at his little collar. popped? puh lease  
dr. newton geiszler: are you guys seriously speculating over the sexuality of david visentin from love it or fucking list it  
dr. newton geiszler: like is that what we’ve chosen to do with tonight  
904615039: what do you mean “we”  
133138840: there is no “i” in “torture” bitch  
dr. newton geiszler: hey hey hey i am not complaining whatever keeps your soggy body pillow in the closet  
929753954: that’s no way to talk about your girlfriend  
dr. newton geiszler: gargle my dick and balls  
559940360: which one you had an unsettlingly large variety of them  
dr. newton geiszler: just because you’re only a slut in everything but practice doesn’t mean i was  
422076538: yeah doodling “drs geiszler-g*ttlieb” on your supply request forms really was the jewel in crowning you the king of the whores huh  
dr. newton geiszler: two nights ago you made a guy buy you six mojitos and wouldn’t stop talking about how “crazy you liked to get in the bedroom” which, okay, not incorrect, and then when he tried to kiss you, you ran into the club bathroom and threw up  
876513328: we had six mojitos and you’re five foot six the fuck did you expect, paul bunyan?  
dr. newton geiszler: i hate this conversation so fucking much why do you like love it or list it  
657019205: the scintillating visceral hatred these two humans hold for each other gives us such immeasurable joy  
dr. newton geiszler: it’s literally all fake  
284432399: emmy fucking award then  
936391071: she looks like she wants to freeze-dry his neck and use it as a statement necklace  
844707379: he looks like a landlord on castro street in 1974 we understand where she’s coming from  
dr. newton geiszler: for a bunch of perpetually sardonic queens you all really hate gay people don’t you  
131015083: sex is gross enough why would you have it without getting spawn out of it  
230488162: we do love brunch though we will give your people credit for that  
837164438: and cats the musical  
dr. newton geiszler: of course you fucking like that nightmare  
756619882: we’re sorry flashpelt of riverclan what were you saying about felines

APRIL 13, 2029

dr. newton geiszler: guys no no no please no please don’t do this i’m begging you look at me look i’m on my knees please do not do this i don’t understand i’ve been super accommodating this week i didn’t say anything when you kicked that puppy i told you how to use command-A i only cried four times please please don’t do this please. please.  
767617868: oh, so you’ll have beef with a perfectly good fairly-priced printed button down but WE’RE the homophobic ones

JANUARY 19, 2030

808543204: good morning newt geiszler  
dr. newton geiszler: fuck off  
946092504: today is a very special day  
202530791: even more special than usual one could say  
928556024: do you know what today is newt geiszler  
dr. newton geiszler: can you guys please give it a rest this year  
818761958: but we haven’t even told you your present yet  
dr. newton geiszler: fifteen minutes shaved off my daily brain laceration is not a legitimate birthday present  
181159576: are you saying we’re not generous  
436027352: is that what you’re saying newt geiszler  
dr. newton geiszler: no no no no i’m not saying that  
318362289: see that’s what we thought  
269270458: but no we have a present in mind much more fitting of today’s very special milestone  
227732251: you get ten minutes  
dr. newton geiszler: of  
dr. newton geiszler: are you serious  
dr. newton geiszler: you’re serious you’re actually serious this isn’t a joke  
203696969: timer starts when he picks up  
629437240: or, well  
556088080: if  
161386133: and don’t even think about trying anything  
128270423: but yes  
dr. newton geiszler: okay um. okay. okay.  
dr. newton geiszler: thank you?  
374142037: remember this the next time you want to bitch about how we never let you do anything  
600542249: you know the restrictions  
dr. newton geiszler: right yeah  
dr. newton geiszler: can i call him now?  
467754421: it’s 3am in moyulan  
dr. newton geiszler: he’ll answer  
742216239: somebody’s idealistic for forty  
dr. newton geiszler: yeah well  
dr. newton geiszler: it’s my birthday  
dr. newton geiszler: i’m allowed to make impossible wishes

JULY 6, 2031

dr. newton geiszler: you know sun tanning gives you skin cancer right  
140141867: we are here for a good time not a long time  
847219855: pretty hurts  
dr. newton geiszler: so does melanoma

OCTOBER 20, 2032

559790409: 7/10 her form was sloppy  
849380673: bitch that building is a pleasant memory now who CARES about form. 9.5/10  
735002999: form is EVERYTHING you think mothra would have those stray lasers escape? you think fucking mothra would have had flyaways? 6/10 and minus a point for the voice crack  
334254243: you can’t take points off for puberty  
162041499: well guess what 334254243 we did!  
523117368: 3/10 she doesn’t have any talent! this is a movie for talented people!  
373728722: okay 523117368 let us ask you a very fair question: what do you do successfully? quickly.  
523117368: more than you? see, we guess  
631771167: okay we know what  
439873436: OH WHAT? OH WHAT?  
901360443: JUST BECAUSE YOU WORMED YOUR OWN DAMN WAY INTO GETTING MORE TIME ON THE OCULAR MUSCLES  
296933371: BITCH WE ARE A HIVEMIND THAT WAS YOU TOO BOO!  
639504047: NO BECAUSE SOME OF US HAVE OH HOW DO WE SAY FUCKING HAND EYE COORDINATION AND TASTE  
132263524: THIS COMING FROM THE BITCH WHO WANTED TO BUY WINE YESTERDAY WITH AN ANIMAL ON THE BOTTLE  
777339476: LLANO CHARDONNAY IS NOT THAT BAD  
294274432: AND YOU DON’T THINK THERE’S ANY REASON THEY ONLY SELL IT AT CARREFOUR OKAY  
927749828: THE ZONG ZI ARE NOT THAT BAD EITHER  
631135515: ZONG ZI IS NOT FUCKING KETO  
dr. newton geiszler: you know when i asked if we could watch the kaiju marathon on scifi this wasn’t what i meant

NOVEMBER 18, 2033

128788776: oomf is in their flop era 👀  
346856384: oomf is about to lose their turn on the meat bitch 👁 👁  
dr newton geiszler: hey guys we haven't eaten in 38 hours

FEBRUARY 14, 2034

dr. newton geiszler: i hate it here  
477262348: U CAN’T SPELL AWESOME WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!!!  
607371591: ok somebody remember to set out the ibuprofen b4 we crash we 4got last time  
342695420: do WAP next that applies 2 the holiday  
661757492: we do have 2 of the things listed in that acronym  
dr. newton geiszler: i hate valentine’s day

AUGUST 1, 2035

629184554: son of a bitch  
dr. newton geiszler: i told you to have a plan b

AUGUST 22, 2035

480072671: STOP PLAYING MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE STOP PLAYING MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT  
dr. newton geiszler: cranky because you can’t be louder than god’s revolver and twice as shiny aren’t you

SEPTEMBER 4, 2035

dr. newton geiszler: so when are you all gonna realize it’s over  
dr. newton geiszler: like we won  
dr. newton geiszler: you can leave now  
dr. newton geiszler: hermann’s gonna figure out how to get rid of you any day now and it’s not gonna be fun for you  
dr. newton geiszler: you lose! you get nothing! just go the fuck home!  
480159063: we’re surprised you aren’t thanking us  
dr. newton geiszler: what the fuck does that mean  
213402505: while we’re here, at least the ppdc can keep you around to pretend they’ll get any information  
144739058: what do you think happens when you aren’t useful anymore?  
280460228: you think you get to go home after this?  
dr. newton geiszler: i am home  
688267271: you can’t lie to us newt geiszler  
746225180: we’re in your head

OCTOBER 8, 2035

dr. newton geiszler: what do you even gain from this  
918581802: clout  
dr. newton geiszler: that blonde dude should have punched you guys harder

NOVEMBER 30, 2035

510513042: alright ladies placing bets: will the cripple obviously have been crying before he comes in today? winner gets to pick the next five brain playlist songs!  
dr. newton geiszler: don’t call him that  
481540860: what, obviously crying?  
dr. newton geiszler: no the  
dr. newton geiszler: the other word  
377416915: cripple?  
830513877: lmao he is one  
dr. newton geiszler: hey i said don’t call him that  
717035240: the fuck do you care it’s not like he cares about you  
881676669: it took him ten years and some windpipe damage to realize there were aliens walking around in your much improved body  
909319853: all those other boring bitches took one look at you strutting around saying fuck the poor fuck the gays i’m sellout city, they watched you get your checks from a company whose ethical manifesto could fit on a fucking sticky note, they saw you day drink like you got a monthly bonus for it, and they said now THAT’S the newt geiszler we want to see! and he was one of them!  
326260269: granted you’re right we did miss a spot we also guess you can’t expect somebody who can’t even read facial expressions to tell when someone is throwing him shade  
dr. newton geiszler: that’s enough.  
253355229: hello?  
dr. newton geiszler: fuck you shut the fuck up i said that’s enough  
873031547: you can’t just  
dr. newton geiszler: no i can actually and i’m kind of starting to realize i always could so once again shut the fuck up, do not call him that, you don’t have a fucking CLUE  
dr. newton geiszler: if he didn’t care about me, if hermann really did not give one tenth of a shit, WHAT is he doing down here. listening to your bullshit until some meathead guard has to DRAG him out, talking to me like he knows i’m still here; HE is still here. maybe this whole time you were so good at pretending because i left too big of a piece of myself in him, but thank FUCKING god because guess who’s back you billion eyed bitches. of course he cares. he always did. the only person who forgot that was me  
 _dr. newton geiszler has changed his status to do not disturb_

DECEMBER 2, 2035

352129245: what the fuck  
188750209: what the fuck  
451224276: what the fuck  
189878242: what the fuck  
636054207: what the fuck  
323213501: what the fuck  
703496544: what the fuck  
510893556: what the fuck  
dr. newton geiszler: HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
899530695: no  
107494604: no  
748436616: no  
953108077: no  
292666881: no  
497955030: no  
767295732: no  
707420145: no  
452699484: no  
529178043: no  
dr. newton geiszler: LMFAOOOOOOOO YOU THOUGHT YOU DUMB FUCKS REALLY THOUGHT HUH TOUGH LUCK TOUGH TIDDIES TOUGH COOKIES! HEY FUCKHEADS BE HONEST GIVE ME YOUR REVIEW HOW DOES ALL SEVEN POINT FIVE INCHES THAT’S NINETEEN METRIC CENTIMETERS OF HERMANN’S MASSIVE DICK TASTE WHAT’S THE FLAVOR PROFILE ON THAT DOWN ALL TWO BILLION OF YOUR THROATS TASTE GOOD? FIVE STARS? HEY CAN YOU FEEL WITHIN YOUR SUPER HYPERINTELLIGENT MASSIVE HIVEMIND ME BENDING ALL OF YOUR MIDDLE FINGERS UP AND POINTING THEM AT EACH OTHER AND THEN GIVING YOU BOTH OF MINE? NO? WHO GIVES A SHIT I’M GETTING OUT OF HERE ENJOY BEING BLASTED OFF AGAIN LIKE TEAM FUCKING ROCKET YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS TALK SHIT BON APPETIT!  
dr. hermann gottlieb: newton what the hell is all of this  
dr. newton geiszler: oh shit please don’t scroll up 


End file.
